Being Needed but Not Needy
One of the main points discussed in the book "The Normal One" and an idea that piggy backs off of my last post is this idea of being afraid to need things. When I say this I don't mean the basics that every human needs and trust me I have been given leaps and bounds above the basics. It also doesn't mean that as a child I never asked for a toy or a treat, heck sometimes I still ask for those things. It means needing things in the way of attention or needing things emotionally.
Going along the lines of attempting to make things easier on my family I got pretty good at one entertaining myself. Now, granted I had a built in playmate my entire life but when my parents were busy with my brother I became really good at playing by myself. Two I also got good at figuring things out in the way of school work or any small problem I might be facing, because I figured I needed less help with those things than Brett does simply by default so why ask for help in the first place. Another big thing for me personally was I hated telling my parents when I was sick because I didn't want to make more work for them. This was by no means my parents doing, I as so many abled siblings do took it upon myself subconsciously to show them that I needed less. That I was okay doing a lot of things on my own.
This has created a part of my personality that I hate and has gotten in the way of a lot of things through out my life. Simply put: Needing anything from someone else terrifies me.
This has affected almost every aspect of my life. When I was a kid I hated group work in school (still did all through college), I would never ask a teacher for help even when I needed it, if I couldn't open something at lunch I just wouldn't eat it.
And as I got older into now it affects the kinds of relationships I have (more on that later), it affects the plans I make with my friends and it has had its affects on my personality. I am really not comfortable relaying on anybody for anything emotionally.
Now I have great people in my life, family. friends ect. and it has gotten better. I still have a ways to go, but everyone should know that it is okay to need things, you don't have to have it together all the time. And I am lucky enough to know that when I really need something I have an amazing group of people around me who are going to help me, and I will do the same for them.