Longing, Wishing, Living

August 9, 2017

 

Where I am currently in Florida the kids are getting ready to go back to school tomorrow. This got me thinking about my school experience and if I would want to go back and do it all again. 

 

The short answer is no, that phase of my life is over. I enjoyed school for the most part, but I wouldn't want to go back and do it again and I wouldn't want to change any part of that journey because it led me to where I am now, which is where I am meant to be right now. 

 

Part there is a part of me, like most people that does long for that time because things were simpler. I miss the days when I use to get excited about new crayons and a new back pack, the excitement of seeing people you hadn't seen all summer and the comfort in knowing that I knew what was to come in the day ahead. 

 

Mostly I long for the days where I went to school, went to my extracurriculars, then I came home and did my homework and got to be with my family. I know that my family is always there for me and I know that no matter where I end up I can always "go home" and I know that ultimately in the near future I will be creating a home of my own and I'm looking forward to that, this longing is more of just longing for the days when that cycle was enough and I didn't have too much to worry about beyond that.

 

There is also a part of me that wants to jump ahead to a place where I will have things more figured out. I want to know my job, my husband, my family , my living situation ect. but I shouldn't dream so far ahead that I wish this phase of my life away, because this phase is just as important or maybe even more important then the others because this is about me and how I start to really find my way in the world.

 

I don't think it is uncommon to desire something comfortable when you are in a kind of limbo stage in your life, which is where I am currently, I don't really know whats next. While that idea excites me I do worry about it on occasion. 

 

What I'm learning is, while it's great that I have positive memories of starting school and being young, you can't go backwards, and you also shouldn't think too far ahead. I'm a pretty simple person and I think I have a pretty good appreciation for life for someone my age, so I always try to live in the moment and enjoy each day for what it is and the more you can do that the better. 

 

This is the phase of my life that I am really figuring out what I want in every aspect of my life, I'm figuring out who I am and what my purpose is and it is an exciting adventure. All those moments growing up play into who I am and what I'm going to end up doing. I am the age I am, I am the person I am and I have a purpose in life and really its about the journey to find what you are looking for more so than the actual thing you are searching for. 

 

Don't get stuck wishing you could go back and don't think too far ahead, this is now and its the only one you're gonna get. 

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