"'Cause every night I lie in bed The brightest colors fill my head a million dreams are keeping me awake. I think of what the world could be a vision of the one I see, a million dreams is all it's gonna take. A million dreams for the world we're gonna make"- A Million Dreams, The Greatest Showman.
It's been almost a year since my last blog post, and while I havent stopped writing I haven't done it as much as I would've liked over the last year.... but theres a reason. I'll be it not a good reason, but a reason that has stopped me from doing
many things at different points in my life...
I didn't feel I deserved to be doing it.
I've had this problem since I was young but it became more prominent when I was in college and now into adulthood. If I have something I SHOULD be doing, like homework or filling out job applications, I cut myself off completely from doing the things that I love.... like writing.
The thing that stopped me from keeping a blog all throughout college was having homework and filling out internship applications, and what has kept me from blogging for almost a year was job applications.
Now I could've made the time, on paper that's easy. It was more this feeling I had and still have in certain situations, that I don't have the right to do things I like until the things that are required of me get done.
No one can tell you better than I can that there are only so many job applications you can fill out and cover letters you can write before you start to go insane, but nevertheless I couldn't bring myself to spend an ounce of time writing when I knew that time should be spent filling out another job application.
However, now that I have a job and I've been able to sit on my thoughts a little bit, I have a new understanding for "the things you are born to do" in life. I'm talking about the things you feel deep within your soul that you know you will never stop doing no matter what. For me, as of right now, its writing and skating. I know that no matter what my career, family or life ultimately look like, I will always do those two things in one way or another. They are what make me me.
I learned that your passions are the things that will keep you sane when everything else drives you crazy. These are the gifts that were given to you and play into your purpose in life. I am so grateful that I have found two of my passions very early in life and I can't wait to see what role they play in my future.
The quote at the top from The Greatest Showman rings very true for me. Every night my mind races, not with my worrys, but with things I can't wait to do in life, all of these ideas and dreams that I have. No doubt these things would sound crazy to anyone else, but I feel it in my soul that they are going to come true.
It is what I'm meant to do.